Most Popular Narcissistic Question
The more information gathered on narcissists, the more that wants to seep onto the page. In my garage full of super helpful, but mostly useless collection of information, it seems we are all narcissistic. This doesn’t mean that we are narcissists. Frankly, this blog would offer no value to you and likely you wouldn’t be reading this if you are a full blown narcissist.
The overall sense is none of us like dealing with narcissists, often have horror stories about dealing with one, but may not know if we are one. We just know we were triggered by the coercive control, manipulation, or abusive gaslighting antics.
Every person that is soul searching the above scenario seems to self reflect on their own relationship with narcissism. Most find that a parent, a sibling, a teacher, a coach, or other significant someone fit the description of a narcissist. Possibly next gen influencers as well, like best friends, lovers, husband, wife, kids…the possibilities are endless.
Most people considering the above, circle around to soul search a deeper question:
Are they a narcissist?
The Value of Soul Searching
The reality is most people were raised by or with a narcissist, so there is often an historical influence.
Being a narcissist was truly more of an acceptable and often reinforced standard over the past decades. As reference, keep in mind that the BBC did research that showed 80% of ALL CEO’s qualify as Psychopaths (not the murdering kind, but cold and calculated). Why is this tidbit significant? Well… the foundation for a Psychopath is a Narcissist and the resulting behavior was often given positive reinforcement as something to strive for.
That said, something that has been referenced in many books and by many experts…IF YOU are reflecting, YOU ARE (likely) NOT A NARCISSIST. Narcissists will only scheme, not reflect. With both gaslighting AND revisionist history, narcissists can be really clever in pretending to reflect…a form of camouflage. Combine this with the commonplace and reinforced social skills, were we are taught to be tolerant of all people until we are proven otherwise.
Most people will be accused of being a narcissist at least once in their lifetime. Not a fun moment, not our best moment, and certainly/probably not on the top 5 best human moments for any of us.
Can you genuinely see your contributions in this 2-participant scenario (maybe more)? Perhaps this is the biggest gift you will ever receive, nudging you to look yourself squarely in the eye, look for what the other person saw, reflect on that. IF you instantaneously jump to a blame game, retribution, or becoming a victim, start over with this reflection process. Not trying to diminish your experience, just helping you find the gift in the turmoil…That is the value of your contributions that enabled this situation to blind side you.
Once stung by a narcissist, you gather life skills. Discernment is a BIG life skill. This skill can be used as a filter for current and future relationships, but also for self-reflection. Again, if you are genuinely reflecting, you are likely NOT a narcissist. That doesn’t mean this reflection won’t trigger you. It may lead to a better life and a better, more conscious and conscientious you.
Discerning the Flip Side
…And then consider that this person calling you a narcissist may be crediting you with their behavior. This is a common narcissistic trait and decoy, one that often leads to character assassination and smear campaigns. It is called projection, overlaying their story onto you. If you witness these behaviors in yourself, there is a distinct possibility you are more narcissistic than you want to admit…open those eyes and take in the wisdom. No judgment. Most won’t even venture into this conversation with you…Avoiding this call out is a smart survival skill.
Worth the Treasure Hunt
In real estate, there is an unconscious narcissist around every other corner. Since every business deal takes about 20 vendors, in addition to the agents and clients, you are dealing with a village, and village dynamics. Due to these variables, I feel bad for the DIY great adventurers. Good luck. In my humble opinion, it is worth paying for an agent to run this gauntlet for you.
My theory is the stress of deadlines, financial incentives, and the very nature of selling/buying your biggest investment, can surface the more controlling shadow side of each of us. This is especially true when the emotions of life transitions or trauma is involved. This is not a psychology class for sure…but absolutely an opportunity to embrace being a better human, one scenario at a time.
The better you know yourself, the more capable you can be at navigating to the finish line… through the maze of the narcissism tucked into real estate or life.
