Navigating Real Estate Resulting from the Death of a Loved One
Promise you…Your heart is not in this project, especially at this time! The only way to address this subject is with great COMPASSION and bold layers of truth. Keeping it real!
The family is the priority AND the death of a loved one makes it difficult to think clearly. Creating the ‘to do list’ is part of the process of walking next to the family members’ transition. Their collections become the family’s responsibility.
Family members need time to grieve, yet often are accosted by the business of death. It can be a full time job in itself with estate attorneys, probate, arrangements, accountants, bankers, real estate agents, estate collections, with estate sale and donation considerations, even pet re-homing.
Sometimes, and even harder, the surviving parent/spouse is in deep grief and needs to be moved to a care facility or somewhere more supported. This adds deeper depression and trauma to the trauma. Getting everything done while walking these ceremonial coals, takes a village of experts focused on your success.
Memory is Affected by Grief
Grief shows up in many forms. There are even therapists who specialize in grief…IT is that complex. MAD specializes in real estate custom solutions with a deep compassion for this life transition. Often layers of custom solutions are needed to walk with the family. There is nothing normal about this process or the time it takes to complete any aspect of this process.
Sometimes being compassionate includes being direct, and is a repeat effort. The memory is peculiar in times of grief and trauma. It is like a deep fog, where nothing can take hold.
Memories are at the forefront, but you can’t remember anything new. This is a default setting and allows you time to dedicate to the mix of emotions in this transition. Priorities and preferences have been erased for the moment, yet there are SO many decisions to be made. Truly, prioritizing grief is an emotional command performance, but not the way the system works. This is truly bizarre and a BIZARRE experience!! Fake it to make it is quite common, with moments of complete overwhelm and meltdowns. Textbook, but definitely all unique. There are many kind hearts and experts willing to support you – in most of the necessary estate type activities.
Death is a Gigantic Life Wobble
Having lost many loved ones, including a parent, I know this gigantic life wobble! Hate to say, I know it well…but I do. Each time I walk with a client, or a friend through this emotion filled process, I know there are harsh reality checks and meltdowns around any given corner.
Hospice is even harder when the elephant in the room is your loved one’s inevitable passing. In an ideal situation, good life and gentle death. This process is ALL heart. The business of this transition interrupts the overwhelming and often deep process.
The key is honoring your process and seeking to find custom solutions along the way. Custom solutions that pay someone else to take on some of your projects and give you the time you need to grieve and get back to your busy life during grief. Trust me finding motivation for your own life is tough enough… Plan to recruit custom services that honor this transition and give you precious time to do anything or nothing. Sometimes finding a way to plan ahead of the curve and sometimes during the curve, with two wheels off the ground. I know this sounds overly dramatic…just the nature of it. Your heart is in charge, and making unexpected decisions.
Grief Support
There are grief support groups available through many hospitals. These tend to be low cost or even free options to support you during this type of transition…especially helpful if your loved one has passed due to illness.
Many therapists specialize in grief. Some offer both group support sessions and private sessions. These typically are paid practitioners, but there are limited income options with some digging.
Many families of loved ones find that their grief process is very personal and they don’t want to engage in the formal support process because they feel too raw or exposed. Others simply have to muddle through, as time is not a luxury that they have.
Having spent time with many families going through this process, a pattern has revealed itself. It seems people who choose to stay to themselves and their own grief, tend to internalize these emotions and get angry more easily and are easily and often, emotionally triggered. Most recognize this, but just keep going. This propensity to combust sticks around…as if the grief is stuck or something. It tends to ooze into their daily life. Most will end up doing some sort of therapy in the future, with no idea these are connected.
Invisible Force
Selling the real estate of a loved one can prove challenging. Once a decision is made to sell the real estate, then the sorting of memories and collection(s) begins. Most who are passing or who have passed want the collections to be re-homed and loved. The collections often represent important commitments of the person who has passed away. This is a tricky subject as the collections will mostly shift to a ‘stuff’ of memories category AND decisions need to be made as what to do with the stuff. There is an important invisible heart force in this process, one of honoring and letting go…sometimes simultaneously. Guilt sometimes walks beside this process.
At first family members can sense the loved one in the home. This seems to fade with time, but commonly family members will share they received advice in dreams. This is pretty magical to witness and is an invite only conversation.
It Takes Time and Effort
Keep in mind it takes time to make these real estate/estate decisions. If the property doesn’t need to go through probate the timeline is up to the families to decide. You really can sell properties any time of the year. Sometimes families are not concerned with the best market or the highest price, but more closing the door on this relationship in the most honoring way possible. Sometimes it is about speed to close the chapter. Sometimes it is about family members not agreeing on any of this and negotiating the dynamics of a contested will. The time to sell will present itself. There are times MAD Realty Solutions contracts on retainer to help navigate this type of action in its unfolding. Estate attorneys can play a significant role too. Even better if this effort can afford both of them working in synchronicity.
