How to Navigate a Real Estate Sale in a High Conflict Divorce
In a high conflict relationship, most often both people are at wits end and exhausted dealing with all the misunderstandings, bickering, power dynamics, and full-on control dynamics activated within these situations, especially if a narcissist is involved.
In a high conflict separation or divorce, there are often tricky living transitions and a home sale in the mix. Litigation can be emotionally taxing and potentially catastrophic, destabilizing the whole family structure.
We know the real estate process is challenging in any scenario, but especially in High Conflict Divorce. Finding strategies to create a calm transition that generates one smile in the process, creates a win. A smiley face in a sea of scowls seemed super appropriate imagery.
In the nasty escalating high conflict pattern (leaving most in tears, heartache, and chaos) a real estate sale can be an eye of the storm moment. It brings a smile to my face thinking about a real estate sale as a DREAM BIG potential, which lights up a door to a new life.
Real Estate Negotiation is often Contentious
Real estate often represents the most expensive mutual asset(s), and certainly the most contentious in who stays/goes, or what is assigned by an arbitrator or court. Even more complicated when kids and pets are involved. Often the asset is ordered to be sold.
Just because it is court ordered, doesn’t imply both parties agree or play nice in this part of the sandbox.
Pets are Assets in WA.
Did you know pets are considered assets in WA state? Pets are NOT treated as family members as most pnw traditions imply. I hope sharing this uncomfortable fact will save others dealing with the shock of this in a high conflict divorce scenario. Discovering that your pets are treated like a sofa can be devastating. This experience alone truly tests your priorities and choices of how to move on. Finding grace and ease can be challenging.
Another consideration is that pets quickly become a really big deal when pets are assigned to the person displaced into an apartment or DV shelter… It gets complicated.
These ‘assets’ will be equally traumatized by all the heated arguments, high emotions, sometimes trauma, physical moves and changes. Pets often act out during this type of transition. Remember to give them extra love and support in their transitions (as possible).
High Conflict Divorces are Complex
All divorce situations are textbook at some level, but No situation is the same!
High Conflict divorces are shocking to all involved including the attorneys who specialize in family law. In an effort to standardize ALL divorces there is a formula around court ordered mediation, followed by arbitration. Many divorces never see the inside of a courtroom. Nothing is the same in any case.
Real Estate is often the Most Expensive Asset
Since real estate is often one of the most expensive assets in a divorce, court actions often prioritize decisions around the real estate. This often includes complicated orders to move out, and/or sell the property. These orders are not always agreed upon by both parties listed on the deed and can escalate quickly into some nasty war games…
Judges, and other court administrators try to summarize clearly, but court orders are not always written to the level a title/escrow company is willing to formally transfer the deed to a new buyer. It can get complicated and often takes layers of coordinated efforts to find a successful path. Success takes a village!
Legal Enforcement
The focus of a divorce is on documenting formal next steps by court ordering them. Most aspects of the court conversation are organized vertically in silos. Often one subject at a time and mostly, designed to lead to another court hearing where the opportunity is set up so you can pay to play another day. It appears the legal system is a self-perpetuating model in many ways. Feeding its own, under the pretense of inching towards justice. Enforcement of court orders is not really a priority of any aspect of this hostile divorce process.
Most people run out of money and/or patience as they get to this point of realization.
Intransigence, conflation, revisionist history and perjury are terms you may become familiar with in hostile and high conflict scenarios. Each one presents layers of delays that drive up the cost of your legal action, become difficult to prove, even harder to enforce when proven…just the nature of it. Add all of this to moving on with your life demands… It becomes pretty clear you must make some decisions outside the jurisdiction of the court and those decisions may be manipulated in the legal process later.
We are NOT attorneys, but do our best to document the layered structure of a real estate deal, so you can leverage these documents as court exhibits if needed.
