Silver Divorces

You may ask yourself why you are reading about Silver Divorces on a real estate website. Well the answer is unfortunate, but relevant. In Divorce situations AT ANY AGE, there is often a real estate sale and/or purchase, coordination of schedules to list, prep and stage a home (if co-habitating), AND court orders with specific directions and timelines. Many of these occur during or right after the divorce proceedings. You are exhausted, and emotionally shattered even…It’s complicated!!!

A notable and non-recovering Covid adverse effect is Silver Divorces. By Silver, I mean Seniors, not a silver lining. This increasing divorce rate represents the relationship shattering impact from emotionally charged Covid lockdowns, disagreements around a plethora of charged global and political subjects, or an unfortunate death in the family and/or ongoing fear based activities. The result a decades long relationship is torn apart.

Per Attorney chat, it seems the rate of increase is surprising and astronomical. Couples that have been married for decades are now divorcing and moving on. This represents grandparent divorces. So much for growing old together.

Even though this is a blog entry, it is important to state, that I am not an attorney and am in no way offering legal advise. Divorce Attorneys charge $350 and up, per hour, on retainers. You will know when you receive wisdom from an Attorney. Although wise, it is usually painful to your heart and pocketbook.

A Silver Divorce in concept is complicated as most seniors or ‘silvers’ had a different financial arrangement with stay at home moms and career driven dads. Divide and conquer home activities. They planned to grow old together, planning & purchasing accordingly. Often sharing cars, bank accounts, pets, insurance policies, etc.

WA state is a 50/50 shared asset state no matter your roles. This silver divorce scenario can quickly escalate into a hostile divorce as tempers flare, romantic distractions agitate, and complications around transitional living situations arise. Statistics show that most divorces escalate from an amicable collaborative mediation, to a war of the roses when discussions arise around dividing assets and financials.

Both parties often want the home they have lived in for decades. Control around money becomes an issue. The home and all of the furnishings, etc. will need to be inventoried and assigned during the divorce proceedings.

There are a multitude of financial considerations in moving forward. The ‘Silver’ women often haven’t worked outside the home in decades and have no income beyond their portion of the retirement package. OR both spouses are retired with their retirement packages, but no reportable income. The men are sometimes the only ones listed on the deed. So once this asset is assigned to one of the divorcees, the deed must be updated often by court order.

The home becomes an asset within the divorce settlement. All future expenses are assumed with that assignment. This includes everything from property taxes, insurance, utilities, repairs, and mortgages. People under duress, often forget about budgeting for this aspect. As a new single the expenses add up quickly and are often not sustainable, alone.

Lenders and Mortgage Companies

Moving on!!! You are assigned the home as one of your assets, now what?

A great first call (prior to your court mediation) for ANY Silver Divorcee is to reach out to a lender to determine the financial reality check.

I bring this up NOT to create tension, but to point out this scenario from a lenders perspective. One of the ‘parties’ (court term) will need to move into a new home…possibly both of them. Either staying in the home or buying a new home likely requires a revised mortgage or an entirely new mortgage. It truly depends on how the mortgage was documented and if the court orders something specific.  (Ironically, most Judges come from a criminal background, so don’t know the impacts of real estate decisions.) Pick your Attorney based on this information.

Lenders look at retirement packages, debt to income ratios, and credit scores. They also need to consider changes in income and marital status.

Please keep in mind, many of the larger retirement investment companies will lend with leverage against your portfolio. That availability often shifts when the market is in flux or impacted by inflation conversations. It could get tricky if the home is assigned to one party and the retirement fund to the other. How does the party who received the home re-finance this home? Talk to a lender sooner instead of later!

Complications

The above likely seems overwhelming. Compassionately so, it is!!! I’m sorry you are going through this. There are additional ugly aspects that need to be called out. Again, I’m sorry!!!

Trusts

There are SO many variables in divorces for Attorneys, mediators and their clients to hash out. When this is a second or third marriage, there are a myriad of extra possible complications.  Properties are sometimes in one parties name, exclusively. I’ve witnessed family law and real estate law treat this differently. You may want to consult with a real estate specific attorney, that partners with a family law attorney.

As real estate is concerned, trusts awarded to kids from the first marriage are most often heart breaking to the newish spouse and messy to sort out…again leaving that to the court process.

This scenario mostly requires 1-2 moves for the divorcee. Usually a rental first and then a purchase once a bit more settled with things. Investing in a strategy will help this feel a bit more sane.

Hostile Divorces

Sometimes Silver Divorce has narcissistic abuse and/or a Domestic Violence component, this element inevitably leads to a hostile divorce. Let’s face it a divorce takes away an abusers control. Character Assassination and revisionist history lurk here. Definitely traumatic and increasingly challenging to find a finish line to safely sell a home, which is often a financial necessity in a scenario like this. Even keeping the home can have a high emotional cost to the victim. They win the house through the court proceedings, but the horrific memories are everywhere. As a result, if the abuse victim receives the home as an assigned asset, they often sell it quickly. Sometimes it is a court ordered sale. Certainly emotional and traumatic!

To accomplish progress, court orders are followed and the Title company gets the final say if a house is documented correctly to sell. Sometimes it requires multiple trips back to court to sort this out. Protection Orders may also be a consideration.

Senior Homelessness on the Rise

Did you know that statistically seniors are currently the fastest growing homeless population?

My heart just bleeds at the thought of a 70 (+) year old finding themselves in a shelter or in a homeless camp or worse.  Finding the heart to talk about this disturbing trend requires a more dedicated future blog.